People Envy

I wonder do other people experience the want to have all the great traits that others' posess naturally? I do, and I call it ''people envy'' and I'm a victim of it, are you?

Driving home from the gym on a Friday afternoon is thinking time. I'm usually very calm on the road and don't care how long it takes to get where I'm going. I pulled up to the lights and turned my music down as I always do. I never question it, but today I did. Why do I turn it down? I have really cool RNB music and I doubt young people would mind hearing it, yet I turned it down.. WHY? I have a theory, and it's related to being stuck in an inner battle. The inner battle that has been raging for years in my head is a WWIII between who I am, and who I wish I was.

Ever walked into a shop and saw someone with a perfect body and wish that was you? Ever talked to someone with such an awesome personality that you just wish they'd be your best friend, and that you could be more like them? I can answer yes to both, definately for the first- consider where I went this afternoon :P So the thing is, I feel that growing up I was considered the smart, plain, down to earth, quiet boring guy. That was fine for then, but now as an adult I might be less quiet, fit and fun to be around, but I find myself wishing I was even better! I have no doubt that people enjoy my company, but sometimes I just wish I was more that guy with the awesome body that people envy, heaps positive in nature, the posessor of the personality that people wish they had and the best at conversing etc..

Perhaps some of those traits already describe me, but I still want to be more liked and envied. Trouble is that I spent a lot of time doing my own solo things and that's sometimes hard to change cos I do enjoy my own company and agenda but would like more friends involved in my life and to be more sociable. With the music dilemma, to be real about it I think I am more comfortable when I don't draw attention to myself (which contradicts some of the other things that I wish that I had that WOULD get people looking at me lol) and I don't want to be viewed as a try hard trying to be cool. Having said all that though, I think I might just turn it up next time and leave it, than maybe people will get used to the cool guy me that I like and not think that I'm boring or anything.

ACE