Counting Achievements

I've been a bit down and out of late. It only become clear that's what's going on, in a long conversation with my other half. I kept finding myself nit picking and I thought I was growing unhappy with the relationship, I no longer feel that way (I feel stupid that I even did, things are awesome in that department of my life!)

So I've been down for a while, since even before our big holiday together (went well btw, should have posted about it lol). Upon examining why and pulling apart and analysing everything in sight, I feel that perhaps nothing is even wrong! I think it may just be a case of chemical imbalance that has got me stuck in a funk of only looking at the worst of everything. So rather than start the week on a major low (like I did last week) I did all I could to try focus on the better things about my life.

I have just arrived home from a work meeting that article went very well because I got my results for last month and they were awesome! A bit of background.. yes I have been very busy at work and gym and it has me feeling a bit run down at times! Part of the negativity could be tiredness, hanger pains (I don't know exactly) but seeing the figures and seeing it WAS all to achieve something, made me feel majorly better! So that made me start thinking of the failing in the past, succeeding in the present (and brings me to this post).. I should start appreciating my achievements in life!

I remember 2005 where I actually had good reason to feel down. I was doubting my abilities to take on my new role at work, figures sliding down and I generally just felt crap every day and had nothing to celebrate. I hated that I lacked the confidence and skills to achieve what I wanted to. Fast forward a year to 2006 and again I encounter the same, but also I had just started the gym. I wasn't growing at all, I lost weight majorly and felt like I couldn't do it. I kept beating up on myself and feeling crap that I couldn't achieve what I wanted to. Did I give in? No! I knew that I could make a success if I just kept trying harder and even though I didn't know exactly how much effort or what was required, I worked it out and I got there!

So saying all that, you'd think I would be all happy and celebrating, of course not! My annoying mind is working overtime to try and tell me that even though I've succeeded in all this, maybe it just got easy. Maybe it wasn't my effort. Maybe it would have happened anyway. Maybe I could have done better, why didn't I do better (especially the gym- btw maybe if I didn't have to put up with stupid mindset, I would be able to eat and sleep enough to get more consistent gains Grr!). Why can't I just celebrate the win? Why aren't I good enough to just celebrate the win? What's wrong with me what I can't just enjoy it? *brain caves in* lol

I still do feel like I have a long way to go. It's not over yet just because I've succeeded, I want more! Whilst I don't know exactly how much is potential or how much/ what effort will be required, I can at least go forth with the knowledge that I've got it in me to get there and I don't have it within me to give up. THAT is the truth of it all. But what about this mind set? I now see that it's the one aspect of my life that is neglected. It needs the effort now as well. Knowing what I've achieved on effort, surely I can do well.. I have about 20% faith in myself lol :/ Back to work!