On the weekend I caught up with friends I hadn't seen for a while and had a big vent about my ex as I hadn't seen them and been able to talk since the breakup. It bought up some old anger, but nothing like the anger I had months ago. More of the anger was just because I don't think its fair he up and left and then got a new relationship and now ANOTHER relationship whilst I have been single all of this time (actually I met a nice guy 2 weeks ago who I like and the feeling is mutual, but he cant catch up with me at the moment due to family issues- story for another time).. I'm still slightly annoyed though, say you loved me than just move on straight away? I really don't understand how it can all be real.
So anyway, yeah, some anger at thinking that his life is going so well and mine isn't so much.. Until last night.. Out of the blue, my ex called me (after 5 months). At first I didn't answer, than he beg me via txt message to answer, so I did. he told me that he had asked his mum to pay back the money he owes me and he just took a bottle of pills cos he want's it all to be over. I try to talk a little sense into him, but without any luck (nothing unusual there) so when he hang up, I called his mum and told her to go check in on him. I got a text not long after saying that I shouldn't have told her bla bla bla and that he just wants his life over cos it's not worth living etc..
I couldn't believe that he'd call me of all people and dump that on me and expect me not to do something.. At than moment though, my anger for him went to pity. I realised many things all of the sudden. From where I stood, I thought things were rosy in his life and that made me so annoyed after what I went through with him.. But in actual fact, things are not going well at all. It made me realise that perhaps, (even if he did treat me so badly on occasion all those years) his gesture to up and leave was the best thing he could have done to relieve me of the drama he was placing on me and the stress on my life. So rather than being so annoyed, maybe I should be thanking him.. I don't want any harm to come to him, I really believe that he has no idea how what he does as a victim all the time hurts people around him (or maybe he does, but can't help himself- who knows). I realised too that I don't really want the worst for him, I want him to have a good life (I'm just glad I don't have to keep trying to give it to him anymore, when nothing is ever good enough).. He really needs good help and I hope someday he gets it. I really must keep remembering just how bad things were when I think that I have it tough right now, cos I really don't! I might be living the single life now and get bored sometimes, but it's worth it in comparison.
Update: Hmm maybe that post was too nice. In actual fact, the day following he text me saying ''soza for the phone call'' (pfft, he couldn't even say a full word sorry!) so I ripped into him via txt saying its unfair to place his problems back on me again and not to call me ever again unless he is paying back the money he owes! He has his stupid boyfriends etc and I have my own life! I shouldn't have to put up with his crap! Well, at least I tried to feel sorry for him for a bit.. Now I'm standing up for me!
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